Some days I think I have the worst job.

"Zibodiz" (zibodiz1) 01/15/2015 at 00:08 • Filed to: worklopnik, bad day, porn

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Yesterday started out like any other, but man did it end differently. I run a small electronics repair shop, and am currently running the place solo. It's a little stressful at times, but it's a good honest living, and it's always rewarding to see customers excited to get their infected laptop/cracked ipad/dead TV back up & running.

Yesterday was pretty busy, with the usual repairs, and at the end of the day, I closed up a little early to run two house calls. Both were people needing their TV remotes programmed, so I figured it'd be an easy way to finish out the day. As soon as I arrived at the first one, I knew it was going to be bad. The old man who answered the door was chomping on a cigar and coughing constantly, while kicking and cussing at two large huskies. As soon as he open the door for me, he asks "You ain't afraid of dogs, is ya?", and knew it was going to be a wonderful experience.

He lead me into their living room, and with each breath, he would either cough or mutter some almost unintelligible obscenities. He had a weird cough, too; it was really high-pitched and whiny, and sounded a lot like an insane laugh. His wife was sitting in a rocking chair. I didn't realize it at first, but she was only wearing a long blouse and a diaper. She was working on some knitting or something, so I just assumed she was wearing something below the waist. In spite of that, I think she was significantly more classy and 'with it' than her husband.

First, they wanted me to show them how to use their VCR & DVD player. They'd recently gotten a new TV, and didn't know how to switch the input. I showed them a half dozen times, then programmed the remote. After programming the remote, he wanted me to prove to him that the DVD player and VCR were actually working, so he gave me a VHS cassette to pop in. It was labelled 'Psychotic women', and as he handed it to me, I started thinking silently "Please don't be porn, please don't be porn, please don't be porn..." Surprisingly, it was some western from the '80s. 'Whew', I thought, I'd dodged a bullet there.

Then he wanted to test the DVD player.

I think you can imagine what he handed me. I didn't look at the face of the disk as I put it in the tray, but as soon as it spun up, the message "All models represented in this video are over the age of 18..." I said "There, you can see that it works!" and flipped it back to the cable TV. He said, "No, I need to see that the remote is working!" and flipped it back to the DVD, which by that time was already showing a clip of closeup hardcore porn. I immediately flipped it back to the cable, and he said "Hey, what happened? It isn't working! Why'd it switch back?" And I said "I did that." His wife spoke up and said "He did that," and I think the man was confused for a minute. I gave him the bill and took my money, and bolted from there as quickly as I could. Talk about creepy.

To top it all off, he and she were chain smoking cigars the whole hour I was there, and had the strongest hillbilly accents that made me second guess everything they said ("did he really just say that? Am I supposed to laugh or be concerned?") After leaving their house and going to my last stop of the day, I had to apologize to the customer because I stunk so strongly of cigar smoke. And trust me, as someone with lung problems, I would never smoke — and definitely would not show up to a customer's house while smoking.

As a little bonus, the very first Bing image search result for 'creepy old man with a beard' is the image at the top, which looks alarmingly like him.

So, did anyone have a worse day than me?

ttyymmnn > Zibodiz 01/15/2015 at 00:12

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They'll probably outlive us all.

No, my day was pretty normal. Except that my wife stayed home sick today, and as a stay-home dad, that meant that I had to keep moving all day. No sitting in front of the computer for an hour (or more) in the morning. But that's okay, I got a lot more done than I would have.

Agrajag > Zibodiz 01/15/2015 at 00:26

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This occured on my last day off:

My neighbor just got a laptop from her son-in-law. She and her husband are probably in their 60's, and it is their first computer, ever. She asked if I could hook up the modem and get her setup up on the internet. I get it setup pretty quickly and then she wants me to setup an e-mail for her. I ask what she wants as her e-mail address. It included "69" more than once. I snickered to myself, wondering why she chose that. Then she asks me to put two of her girlfriends addresses into her contact list. One included the word "nude" and the other "loose". Suddenly her uncomfortably close proximity became a lot more uncomfortable.

Zibodiz > Agrajag 01/15/2015 at 00:31

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Sometimes, I think as people age, they lose their 'filter', and just let it all hang out. Problem is, be the time they're old enough to feel that way, nobody —nobody— wants to see anything hanging out, literally or proverbially.

Deal Killer - Powered by Focus > Zibodiz 01/15/2015 at 01:22

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I've been appraising residential properties for 15 years, and have seen damn near everything. Hoarders, BDSM chambers, ugly fat lesbians with gay porn everywhere, young co-eds with too little on (didn't tell the wife about that one), creepy vacant repo's, squatters and irate home owners chasing me down because I took a picture of their home. Mostly it's pretty routine, but every once in a while life gets interesting. That makes it worthwhile, cause it sure doesn't pay as much as people think for all the hassle we appraisers have to deal with. Glad you made it out alive. Hope you didn't bring any creepy crawlies home with you. Hate it when that happens.

McMike > Zibodiz 01/15/2015 at 05:30

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Mrs McMike and I are in our 40s. We chose not to have children. That's probably going to be us in 20 years.

And I look forward to it.

Flavien Vidal > Zibodiz 01/15/2015 at 08:40

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Awesome thread guy! As a guy who used to sell computers thrown away by my university in the "computer garbage" on Craigslist, offering to install it for those who wanted to... I saw some weird stuff, but nowhere near this haha

Love it, keep the stories coming :)

Zibodiz > Flavien Vidal 01/15/2015 at 10:53

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Thanks!

thebigbossyboss > ttyymmnn 03/20/2015 at 07:31

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When cats are away the mice will play!! How's the youngun's northern national anthem coming along?

thebigbossyboss > Zibodiz 03/20/2015 at 07:42

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I used to renovate apartment and condominium building mostly doing window replacement. One of our jobs was to renovate a 27 story apartment building where the windows had just gotten old because they were installed about 25 years ago which is a window's lifespan.

Anyways one of suites we did, had a huge overweight old guy in it/ If I had to guess his age I would say late 70's. If I were to guess his weight, I am guessing like 350. If we were going to do a residents suite in the early morning (between 8-10am) we would leave a notice the previous night that said "we are coming at 8". Anyways we had already done several stages of prep work for this suite, so first thing we knock on this guy's door.

He answers the door completely naked. We covered our eyes and looked away, and he said "I didn't want to keep you guys waiting"....I said "we get paid by the hour, go put on some pants"....

Scarred for life.

ttyymmnn > thebigbossyboss 03/20/2015 at 07:49

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I don't know. He hasn't practiced all week. And neither have I.

thebigbossyboss > ttyymmnn 03/20/2015 at 07:54

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I had thoughts about playing last night but then I started doing chores and it got lost in the shuffle myself.